


The Force of My Silence

by Yankingthechain



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Destiel - Freeform, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, mary leaves, mute!Dean, season 12
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-01
Updated: 2017-05-01
Packaged: 2018-10-26 16:34:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10790424
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Yankingthechain/pseuds/Yankingthechain
Summary: Mary leaves and Dean loses his words. Castiel comes home to take care of him.





	The Force of My Silence

The thing is he knows why she left. Seen the look on her face and the felt it hit him like a slap in the face. The sheer disappointment, how could her sons-her tiny baby sons turn into monsters, she looked at Dean and expected to see the little boy obsessed with trains and orange sippy cups, and instead she got an alcoholic, gay, fuck up. 

Dean can't blame her for leaving. 

She tries to hug him, out of pity, and he steps away, keeps it together because of course he doesn't need-doesn't need-not-she doesn't push it. That almost hurts worse than the betrayed chill that blankets him. Sam's devastated and Dean can't look at him, because it's his fault. She would've been happy that Sam had gotten out of the life and then Dean dragged him kicking and screaming back into it. 

Every stair makes a clanking noise and it's so loud, it builds up in his ears and it's all too much, he doesn't realise he's staggering until Sam steps forward, a worried look on his face, "Dean-" 

There are no words in his mouth and his chest feels completely hollow, he glances up at Sam, watery eyes and bitten lip and manages to walk on his own two feet to his bedroom. He feels like getting a drink and then thinks of the crease of disappointment in between Cas' eyebrows that's ten times more important than it had any right to be, and refuses the urge. Instead he crawls into bed, boots and all and pulls the sheets over his head. He yanks his phone out of his pocket, he needs Cas, needs him like air and he can't breathe-can't speak-can't stay-

"Dean." Cas rumbles down the phone, "I was about to call you."

Why? Did Sam call him? Does he know that he can't man up and support his brother?

"I miss you, I wanted to hear your voice. I'm on my way back. Rowena banished Lucifer to the bottom of the ocean, so I'm not needed elsewhere anytime soon. Perhaps we could finish the star wars saga this weekend?"

Dean opens his mouth and a dozen words all crawl out and evaporate noiseless. Tears pool in his eyes, he's useless-he can't even-

"Dean?" Castiel prompts, then at Dean's answering silence, his small huffs of ragged breathing the only noise from the other line Cas says lowly, "Oh, Dean. My love." 

It's almost enough for him to break down completely, instead he squeezes his eyes shut and holds the phone close, Cas doesn't ask any questions, because he knows he wouldn't get any answers, knows how Dean went quiet in purgatory, after their first kiss, after the mark, knows Dean gets quiet and loves him loudly enough for both of them. 

"I'll be home in two hours, my love." Cas tells him in that quiet, soft voice he saves only for Dean, Dean manages a faint noise and Cas stays on the phone, not talking, just breathing down the line and humming along to the songs on the radio until Dean falls into a fitful sleep. 

He wakes some time later to a hand on his shoulder, Cas close by the bed, "Dean, Sam is tucked in on the sofa, he told me what happened, I'm so sorry, my love." Dean can't answer, just reaches up with grabbing hands and mournful eyes and clings to the angel. 

Cas strokes long fingers through his hair, down his spine and trails them back up in soothing motions, "I'm so proud of you." He says and Dean doesn't ask why, because the answer is glaring obvious in a glass bottle, sober on his nightstand, still sealed. But there are no words right now, just Cas and that would almost be enough if it weren't for the mom-sized hole in his heart. 

"I think you need to get out of these clothes, and we can cuddle, I've missed you. Two days is far too much, next time you should come with me." Cas pulls away and Dean manages a nod, it's enough to make Cas beam that big gummy smile of his. 

He lets Dean sit on the end of the bed and unlaces his boots, easing his feet out of them and out of his damp socks. "I know you're hurting, but I'm here. And I know you can't talk about it yet, but when you're ready, I am too. I have you Dean, and this isn't your fault." Cas says to the button of his jeans as he thumbs it out. There's something beautiful about Cas on his knees, something that Dean has experienced many times and still remains in awe of. Cas let the jeans pool at his feet and pulls them off. He taps his finger on Dean's flannel shirt and his undershirt, "Take this off, my love." 

Cas swipes the bottle off his nightstand wordlessly and sits it on the dresser, he pulls out two of Dean's softest t-shirts and a pair of grey sweatpants. Dean watches Cas undress, he doesn't need to change, he can keep himself clean with his grace but Dean knows he enjoys the softness of pyjamas, even if he hates his legs being covered in anything more than boxers. Cas wears these stupid, yellow boxers that he has like, six pairs of, because they have a black waistband and remind him of the bees, they're pretty ridiculous, but Cas adores them, and Dean adores Cas, and plus, Cas makes them look pretty hot. The stretched out neck of the tee-shirt dips low enough to reveal two prominent collarbones. 

Sometimes Dean can't believe Cas is his, this is one of those times. 

He helps Dean into his clothes, back when Cas started this, taking care of Dean like this when he was quiet, Dean felt like he was being babied, he wasn't invalid, he was just...wordless. But Cas explained to him in awkward begging that it makes him feel like he's doing something, like he's helping, and Dean could never deny the look of desperation on Cas' face. 

He lets himself be dressed without argument, "She didn't leave because of you. She loves you." Dean glanced away but let Cas pull his gaze back to his with a finger on his jaw, "She does. She loves you very much. I can't begin to understand human function, and why she left. Because I know when I was human, I couldn't get close enough to you." Cas thumbs his cheek and his gaze turns soft and fond, "Even if you steal all the covers and insist on making macaroni at least once a week." 

He's aiming for a smile, but Dean frowns like he's trying not to cry and ducks his head. "Oh my love." Cas crowds close and wraps him up in his arms, and his warmth is welcome, Dean presses his face into the crook of his neck and holds him close. 

He knows no matter what, Cas will always come back. He can't say the same for his mother just yet, but he'll always have Castiel.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry it's so short and bad, but I wrote this ages ago whenever Mary left the boys, and I had this idea of how mute Dean would react to that? Idk, bit stupid. 
> 
> -YTC


End file.
